My Boys

Dear Chicago. stop. If you find any boys like this please send them to Lincoln Square. stop. Faithfully yours- Meg



and then your singing in dutch to me
and I recognize the song
it seems so old and so fragile
i haven't heard it in so long





This my excavation and today is Kumran
Everything that happens is from now on
This is pouring rain
This is paralyzed

I keep throwing it down two hundred at a time
It's hard to find it when you knew it
When your money's gone
And you're drunk as hell

On your back with your racks as the stacks as your load
In the back and the racks and the stacks are your load
In the back with your racks and you're unstacking your load

I've twisting to the sun I needed to replace
The fountain in the front yard is rusted out
All my love was down
In a frozen ground

There's a black crow sitting across from me; his wiry legs are crossed
And he's dangling my keys he even fakes a toss
Whatever could it be
That has brought me to this loss?

On your back with your racks as the stacks as your load
In the back and the racks and the stacks of your load
In the back with your racks and you're unstacking your load

This is not the sound of a new man or crispy realization
It's the sound of the unlocking and the lift away
Your love will be
Safe with me


doesn't have a name

I remember that night
too much beer and music
you smiled as I said goodbye
And every time it happens
I have to convince myself
its only a dream
theres no such thing

Suffocate in the thought of it
inhale it till you let that part die
I don't want to take another breath
until your gone
but theres no point in imagining nothing

Open up and let me out of this nightmare that I'm livin'
I don't want to wake to see another day
Open up and let me into your self I know you want it
I don't want to spend another night alone

You say what happens here is off the record
but these words are too vivid to forget
I've saved them for myself
Peel back these layers
and lay beside me with your mouth
these calluses don't hurt any longer

Open up and let me out of this nightmare that I'm livin'
I don't want to wake to see another day
Open up and let me into your self I know you want it
I don't want to spend another night alone

I wish you'd say the words that linger on your lips
but your saving them for someone else
those are the words that are only meant to be whispered in the dark
so whisper them to me


I see you.

I haven't seen you in 8 years, but nothings changed. And so much came back in the two days I saw you. You are my SAB (we're the only two people who will ever know what that means). I miss you already. Things didn't work out this time, maybe one day they will. Maybe one day we will be exactly where we're suppose to be, and that location will keep us close enough for visits and talks and remembering. I think I will always have that school girl crush on you. I think when things like that happen so young, they are imprinted on us. It just never goes away. At least for me, it never has. Miss you.



This kind of day..


September 30, 2010

September 30, 2010.
The happiest day I've had in a long time.
Here's to many more.


New Beginings

Three things:

1) I have a new job

2)New outlook on relationships

3)Narrowed down Halloween Costume.

-I have four days left at my old job, can't wait to start the new one! Its about time, it's about change. Enough said.


My name is Megan, and I'm an addict.

I'm addicted to relationships. How I feel when I'm in them (the good and the bad), how I hold on with all that I have, how they blind me like a drug. I realize now why I haven't been in that many. My body simply will not allow it. I can't keep up. It will kill me. For the longest time I've thought all I really need is someone to snuggle with, that I like at a moderate level, who can be my "go to" person for talks. Companionship, not relationship.

Most people, including myself have always wanted that fire, passion, desire type of relationships. I've had that. It doesn't last. And the disappointment of it is all you really remember in the end. Not the amazing little moments in the beginning. And when you think on it to much, as I do, it becomes a pretty depressing thing. So I'm taking the other fork in the road. I don't want passion, I don't want butterflies, I want companionship, someone I can stand to be around for more than 5minutes. With enough connection to feel when its there, but not enough to make me feel empty when its not.

Halloween here we go...Its down to these 3.


Frightened Rabbit

My life has been pretty quite lately. I think I like it that way.

Also, I think I was Scott Hutchison in another life.

Just sayin'.



Music Makes the World Go Round

"I struggle to find the words to describe the cataclysmic and heart rendering moments we shared. Where beneath Tokyo lights you grasped my hands and warmed them and I just knew. I knew that every person in this world deserved a moment like this. A moment where you knew how to be truly loved without the whisper of a single word."-E

Eh a quote like that can be pretty sobering... if you have no one in your life at the moment that makes you feel that way. I get to hung up on stuff like that, and so I'm trying to take a step back for a while. Refocusing the love.

I love music. And I think for someone who loves it as much as I do, I do a piss poor job of finding new bands to listen to. Thankfully all my friends are pretty music obsessed, and if I ever need something new, they've always got suggestions. Growing up my parents always stressed the importance of the arts, mainly playing an instrument, or two. There were always lessons, always a piano in the house, always a stereo playin' some Earth, Wind, and Fire. I appreciate those things so much more now.

I got into theatre because I was a singer. A shy singer. Why not toughin' the girl up by throwing her on to a stage? And oddly enough it worked. But I want to go back. Back to the time when I was just a singer. I've been poking my head around the music scene, very sparsely, and might have 2 opportunities presenting themselves at present. Just some very simple acoustic investments. Just the way I like them. We'll see how they turn out, but for right now, I can definitely say I'm in love with the idea of them. : )


What I like the most.

"Humans are the only animal that blushes, laughs, has religion, wages war, and kisses with lips. So in a way, the more you kiss with lips, the more human you are. And the more you wage war." — Jonathan Safran Foer (Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close)

When I die and they ask me what I liked the most about life. I will tell them, without hesistation, kissing. It was most definately the kissing.



I'm a bit of a masochist. I like forcing myself to do things I don't always like. To make myself do something others might think is hard, or crazy. Why? There is something in me that pushes me. That makes me think I'm never doing enough. Never fast enough, never far enough, never busy enough, never good enough. I'm in a constant battle to prove myself to...well to myself. And your always your worst critic.

I ran sixteen miles on Saturday. SIXTEEN. I've run it before, I've run farther before, there are people that run sixteen as a warm up. But for some reason, on this particular day, on this particular run, I had a turning point. For the season, for my training, for everything. I usually get pretty hard on myself when I'm running. Don't stop. Keep pace. RUN FASTER. And I usually can't keep up with myself. But this time I did. I kept pace, I didn't stop, and when I did, I continued to encourage. Good job, your doing great, only a few more to go. The kind of encouragement you get from your friends and family. I don't have that anymore, or I don't allow myself to have that. It's me and only me out there. It's me and only me crossing the finish line. It's me and only me dressing the blister's and wrapping my ankle, and icing my knee.
When I got home, I lost it on my front stairs. Not crying, but sobbing, the way I did after I finished my first marathon. I don't think it was so much the run or the exhaustion that made me cry though...

There is something amazing about awakening after a life time of being hard on yourself, for no particular reason, other then the fact that you can, and really taking pride, finally, in something you did. That the time doesn't matter, or what place you came in, but that you finished something. Something that was hard, something that was crazy. Something you knew you could always do, if you just let yourself do it. And finally be PROUD of that.


: )

You do that thing and my heart melts.
I’m not normally that type of girl, I’ve never been.
Until recently. I blame it on the cold winters.
And I’m glad. Glad that they’ve been hard, and…cold.
Dark, mysterious you.
It seems silly that all along you were right there.
Under my nose, per se.
I have been so blind.
But now to finally be face to face
To get to see you grow and change.
Never afraid to go back to how things were,
To try things over and over again, and if it looked right, then why change?
Such bravery, and lightheartedness, and maturity all rolled into one.
I can’t believe I’ve finally found you.



I've learned alot from this man...his one called 'Dirty Talk' is slowly becoming a favorite of mine. Please, Please, check him out...


Too True- Le Love


Catherine Soto- Heartbreak at Nineteen



I cannot wait for fall.::GASP:: Did those words really come from a girl who grew up in 90* weather? Who use to hate any temperature below 70? This is what I look forward to.. assortment of vintage boots and jackets, and knits. As well as a comfy couch and new apartment decorations.



Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.- Oscar Levant

I love Oscar somethin' fierce. Back in the day, watching old musicals with my mother, he always stood out. Sarcasm so thick you could cut it with knife. Perhaps that's where I first learned about sarcasm. But I've always been stuck behind the exact meaning of that. I've had very few moments where I've been able to stop myself and go "This is it, remember this, this is what Happy feels like". I can never quite remember the "feeling" but more of the idea of it, and the things in that moment that made me feel different then I do on a regular basis. I found a lovely example of the 2. These are videos of the same man, but I get completely different feelings watching them. So here's Gavin Creel, Le sigh!



I've never been much of a tattoo person till I saw the work on this guy. I think I'm pretty obsessed with all the work on his arms. If only I was so bold and brave I would copy all of it! I do have one in mind for myself, and have made several attemps to get it done, but alas, my font is too difficult for such a big needle. One day, but for now, enjoy the work of Michael Rose.


Perfect Man

He will always wear a bow tie. And if I'm lucky, suspenders as well.


Design for Mankind

This website is AMAZING! It keeps me entertained each day, and pushes me to create, something, anything on a daily basis. Erin Loechner's site is simply brillant and to the point. She knows what she likes and always finds the most unique jems to post. I envy her! Take a look:


Elephant Gun- Beirut
As a uke player, this band is a must!


Yann Tiersen

Yann Tiersen- enough said.


I am noticing

I think I've lived the majority of my life in the shadow of other people. My sisters, my friends, my teachers. I've always followed what I was shown. I don't think I've ever done enough exploring on my own of what it is I want, what I like, the music I listen to, or the way I dress. I'm devoting the next month to that. And as a valid attempt on not procrastinating, I am starting early... here are a few things I've found so far:

Jonathan Safran Foer -

What a honest romantic. I haven't read any of his actual material, though I do own a movie adaptation of his book Everything is Illuminated. Hoping to pick up a copy of Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close today. That seems like a good place to start. And I love his line "the cancer of never letting go". Its like you feel the line as you read there a word for that?

"I went to a tattoo parlor and had YES written onto the palm of my left hand, and NO onto my right palm, what can I say, it hasn't made my life wonderful, its made life possible, when I rub my hands against each other in the middle of winter I am warming myself with the friction of YES and NO, when I clap my hands I am showing my appreciation through the uniting and parting of YES and NO, I signify "book" by peeling open my hands, every book, for me, is the balance of YES and NO, even this one, my last one, especially this one. Does it break my heart, of course, every moment of every day, into more pieces than my heart was made of, I never thought of myself as quiet, much less silent, I never thought about things at all, everything changed, the distance that wedged itself between me and my happiness wasn't the world, it wasn't the bombs and burning buildings, it was me, my thinking, the cancer of never letting go, is ignorance bliss, I don't know, but it's so painful to think, and tell me, what did thinking ever do for me, to what great place did thinking ever bring me? I think and think and think, I've thought myself out of happiness one million times, but never once into it." — Jonathan Safran Foer

"This is love, she thought, isn't it? When you notice someone's absence and hate that absence more than anything? More, even, than you love his presence?" — Jonathan Safran Foer

These 3 pictures come from a featured article on ETSY that I stumbled upon. The article was about hand made weddings. This wedding looks nicer then alot of professional one's I've seen. It seems that way becuase you completely get a feel for who these people are.
From the brides blue shoes, to their TV center piece and even the paper chandlier, completely unique. I need more of that. I want more of that. To be able to stand back and say "Wow, I've never seen that before"


"I don't know" is not an answer.

There is no filter. From my heart to my mouth. I will continue to not grow up. To not grow old. To dream. To be. To push. To love. To feel. To cry. To tell it like it is. And to know in the end, no matter the outcome, that I am O.K. That there is too much to be happy about. That that is what life is about, to focus on that. To live in that. To be Happy.


We took the longest train ride home that night...

We took the longest train ride home that night
Don’t you think it’s been long enough
You’ve had your time to grieve
If this is what is done to you
I’m terrified of what’s to come for me
Help me fall in love
The years I’ve know
Have aged your face

Oh dearest you
I see you there in your life of pretend
Don’t you think it’s been long enough?
You’ve had your time to grieve
If this is what is done to you
I’m terrified of what’s to come for me
But my ways are not enough and in the end we let the silence linger on a little too long.

How many times before we get it right?
How long until it’s finally our time?


Get your heart a beating..

Count down, four days til the launch of Buffalo Hearts on Etsy( ). If only my cats would stop eating the finished product.


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